Not Your Daddy’s ‘Casual’
On a first date recently, we went through all the standard ice breaker conversations.
What’s online dating been like for you?
How long have you been doing this?
What are you looking for?
I noticed we were saying all the same things. Great. Right?
Not this time. I noticed that we were qualifying all those things with opposite words. We’re both open to a LTR (long term relationship, for those of you not up on the lingo), but don’t want to force anything. Everyone should just be themselves. Just get to know each other a bit and see where it goes.
Except, in his case, it goes to Philadelphia on a regular basis to visit his family and his other house. Sometimes in secret from his family so that they don’t try to commandeer his Saturday. You know, because that’s the best day for him to “do stuff” while he’s there.
That’s when I asked again what it is he’s really looking for. A relationship or something casual so he can go out of town and ‘do stuff’.
“I don’t like to use labels,” he deadpanned. I almost rolled my eyes. Almost. Except a little nagging, kinda slutty, voice in the back of my head reminded me that I’ve used that line a few times myself.
‘No labels’ means no relationship. It means don’t even try to lock me in and define me as part of your life.
“So you prefer casual?” I asked.
“Like I said, I don’t want to use labels,” he responded, “but I guess that depends; people use the word casual in different ways.”
I knew exactly what he meant. People our age mean one thing when we say that word, but younger peeps mean something else.
Why is that? I’m pretty sure our badass GenX asses coined the term ‘casual’ in reference to dating. We had it figured out. We made that damn label. Why did Millennials redefine it? How dare they! Back in the day, casual dating meant “Thanks for the good time. I gotta go. I’ll see ya when I see ya.”
Simple.
And then all of a sudden these young whippersnappers came along and created what they refer to as the ‘casual relationship’. What? Is it a relationship? Or is it casual? This is an oxymoron in my mid-life mind.
I once dated outside my generation. Sitting with Mr. I-Don’t-Like-Using-Labels, I have a flashback to lying in bed next to my sweet millennial where he presented me with this casual relationship option, confusing me as much as how a man 15 years younger than me could be the best male company I’d seen in a very long time.
“It’s simple,” he explained, “we only date and sleep with each other but without the expectation that we get involved in each other’s lives or that this will become a long-term, serious thing.”
“Oh,” I replied, “I get it, but I don’t like using labels.”
Snapping back to the current situation, I realize that Millennials might just be smarter than we are. And safer. Suddenly I realize the hot, tattooed, sweet man in front of me really isn’t saying all the same things I am.
Turns out, I’ve moved into the label-making phase of dating. They still make Dymo tape, right?
